In years past, Christmas wasn't a big deal for me, beyond getting presents and stuff. My family was never really close so I don't have traditions as such during the holidays, except maybe for going to friends houses and eating their food while their families all smile at each other. It hard for me even now to make time with my family. I look at them as strangers sometimes, and I need to get over that.
This year was a small turning point - one of those that makes you realize that yes you are 35 and yes you are getting older. It's the realization that Christmas really is about the people you are with and not just what you get. I know that sounds like the most obvious thing in the world ever to everyone, but it's really easy to say, harder to actually feel. This year I had more fun giving gifts and watching what everyone else got than I did opening my gifts. Not that I used to be selfish, but yesterday I thought that if I hadn't gotten a single gift, it would still have been a great Christmas because I got to watch people I care about having fun and being happy. As it happens I got some rad gifts so thats all good, but ...
Anyway, just sitting here in my empty house, reflecting on yesterday and this whole last month in general, and it's been good. Scary, because I am growing up (I have always thought of myself as a 25 year old for some reason), and that's not as dreadful as I once had thought. It's a good feeling to have the friends I do and to share time with them. It's always been easier to be with friends than family, and changing that will be my focus for the coming year.
This post brought to you by some nasty funk!