Low Thyroid Hormone: or Why Am I So Confused

The thing about depression is, you just don't care.  Well, I shouldn't say that - it's not that I don't care, it's that my brain won't let me care.  The impenetrable wall that has been chemically formed prevents my brain from focusing too long on tasks. I'm frustrated with pretty much everything right now.  Angry that I can't get my ass in gear to work.  

You know those commercials on TV, where the depressed person is living with a scribble cloud over their heads, like some new-age version of Pig-Pen?  While I don't quite feel that way, I can relate a bit more now.  For me, it's as if tiny little soldiers with spears are preventing my thoughts from going anywhere.  I am confused more easily, too.  Granted, I have never considered myself sharp (except with comments and humor), but this last week has had my brain in a swamp.  

My doctor said it would take some months for my hormone levels to change and for us to dial in my synthetic Thyroid, but I never expected this level of blah.  To the point that even doing nothing irritates me.  I'm 14 and angsty again.  Angry at the drop of a hat, frustrated, depressed.  On other days all is well, which is the fucky thing, right?  That further confuses me - if I have low hormone then it should stay low, right?  What's with the ups-and-downs bullshit? 

On March 3rd I go in again and get checked, so hopefully a few days after that I'll start feeling better.  The scar is healing nicely though, and I should be able to drive in the next few weeks here.  So that's good.  

Not a very interesting post, but it's honest, and that's really the point.