Well, here we are. By this time tomorrow I'll have been laid out on an operating table for 7 hours, getting things that I have had since birth snipped out of me. For awhile I have been avoiding any sort of deep thoughts on the subject. It didn't really seem that helpful to me to sit around and think about the upcoming surgery, or my life thereafter. I mean, really, what's the point? But I suppose that's why I had more than one stare-off-into-space moment over the past few weeks. Having an impending surgery is probably a bit nerve-wracking as it is, but adding cancer to the mix must heighten that in some respect. Or maybe it's me. Or both.
I'm no longer fearing any sort of death-by-doctor scenario, which is a big step for me. Instead, I'm now more concerned with being in hospital for so long. I keep envisioning how it will be at 4am when I wake up, some oaf in the bed next to me, and all I want to do is go home. It's like being in an airplane for 4 days. At least in my head it is. I'm nervous about staying in that room for so long - 3 to 4 days - because I feel like if you have to stay overnight at a hospital for longer than 2 days, you will give up on life and die there. Hospitals are super depressing, and I feel like you only get worse when you are in one. I'd much rather heal at home. It's cheaper, and the nurse is better looking.
To be frank, I'm sort of looking forward to the whole experience, really. It's useless to think about how much I don't want this to happen, so let's just go with it, baby! I went book shopping, and I have loads of shit to read now, plus my laptop for movies and my phone for games. I wonder how reading a comic book will be on drugs. I haven't done that since my early 20's ...
So, until next time, thank you all for the kind words and the positivity. You have made it a bit better. Thanks for taking the time out from your lives to think about mine, however briefly. I'll post some photos in the hospital and let you all know what's going on.
And if I do happen to die ...
Making people laugh has always been a dream of mine. Thanks for making that dream come true.