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Monday, November 28, 2011

For A Better Society

There are certain things in the world that exist simply to pollute the stream of consciousness, turning it into a river of bile and filth.  What does this mean?  I have no idea.  But I tell you why I wrote it - Memes.

Fucking internet memes.  You've seen them, even if you don't know what they are.  Ever see a kitten with words written underneath, like it's saying something "funny"?  A car in a ditch with the word "fail" below?  Yeah, you get the point.  Occasionally, some of these can be humorous, perhaps even earning a low, quiet, singular "heh".  But instead of them dying a quick death, some asshole somewhere pulls memes into their every day language and ruins it for everyone.  Examples:

Ok, seriously.  Stop saying "Fail" when something happens that you don't like.  It's not clever, nobody likes it, and you just come off as a douche - inserting yourself inside a conversation and spraying your awful brand of humor into it, cleansing it from normalcy.
"Yeah, and then the door fell and broke my hand."
" ... idiot."
That's how the conversation goes.  Stop it.

Fuck those of you who use LolCatz when you post on the internet.  "I can haz free of dems?"  Fuck you right in the face with a fucking car, dude.  You are an adult, a grown-ass person, the least you can do is talk like one.  How dare you try to be cute online talking like a reject from a mental ward.  Enough already, let this die.

Pirate Talk
Hey, I like pirates just as much as the next guy, but Talk Like A Pirate Day is for idiots and their children.  Let's continue to identify a low IQ by leaving the pirate talk to idiots, ok?  It's not funny, it's not fun, it's not even slightly ok.

Om Nom Nom
Don't even attempt to think you are being endearing when you use this shitty meme when describing someone eating.  Just be a man and call them fat to their face.  This belongs online in a photo, and even then it's as old as dirt, and about as funny.  Om Nom Nom ... fuck you.

No, that video of the double rainbow guy was not "epic".  It was nothing of the sort, nor was the last episode of Jersey Shore, or anything else you like.  The only epic things are porn and video of things blowing up.  And a meal made of bacon.  And the subsequent heart attack. Which you deserve to have if you have this word in your vocabulary.

Chuck Norris doesn't ______, he ______.
No he doesn't.  Sure, I get that you are making fun of how tough the guy was in his movies, but just stop it, please.  It's fucking old, and just makes you sound like an idiot.

I heard someone say this out loud once. And not in a shitty hipster ironic way.  They used it instead of actual laughter, and fucking meant that shit. This person is no longer around anymore.

Get my point?  Just because you see it on the internet doesn't mean you can bring it into your life and try to be the hip kid in the room.  Just be normal.  Use full words, not their inbred, deformed abbreviations.

You aren't cute.


  1. And stop staying "right" after every thing that is said. "I know, right", "Yeah, it is, right", "We should go, right". Fucking stupid.