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Monday, March 28, 2011

Nightmares

Sometimes I amaze myself, but in the bad way.  I'm sitting here on my TempurPedic bed (because I care about my comfort), trying to digest what just happened to me. The best way I know how is to share with strangers.  Lucky you.

At 3am I woke up screaming, in response to a dream I was having, where I was on a dock, kneeling down either getting something or placing something.  I turned to my left to engage someone who was standing there when a gun entered, touched my head, and fired.

Dreams are weird in that so much goes through your mind during them it is hard to get a sense of time when re-capping what went on.  But at the time the gun fired, I remember thinking, "Yeah this seems right", like it was all part of a plan or some appropriate ending to my larger dream (of which I can't remember).  Then I realized that I had been shot and that old wives tale came into my mind that if you die in your dream you die in real life.  I remember trying to move somehow, to reassure myself that this was a dream, but I couldn't make my body respond.   Rather,I was loosing control of it.  I had a few other thought flash through, but I can't remember them now, all compressed into a split second.  Lost to my diseased mind or something.  Anyway, I woke up screaming, flailing my arms around.  Cat goes one way, empty bottles the other.  

Being terrified for your life for a split second is not something I recommend.  I have enough death anxiety when I'm a wake that I really don't need to be afraid to die in my sleep.  The whole experience was very earth shattering to me, and even as I sit here, a good 40 min after this shit, I'm nervous and jumpy.  Any sound I hear is cause for alarm.  Any thought I have is of that moment I woke up screaming, scared I was really dying.  I am kind of glad my girlfriend wasn't here with me, because she would have gotten a fist to the face inadvertently.  I say "kind of glad" because anything she got she would have deserved on some level.

And my poor cat, Wesley.  He got all scared, ran to the door to escape my craziness, but instead ran into the door, closing it.  Which was funny and sad at the same time, because he really needed to get out of that room but he just couldn't figure the door out.  What a looser, eh?

5 comments:

  1. poor cat, yeah right.
    about ten years ago i was living with roomates and we had this cat, pants.
    i was in bed next to the window in my room. i guess i fell asleep, but was dreaming i was awake in bed, and i could see someone outside across the yard, watching me. i laid there as still as i could, figuring if i didn't move they couldn't see me in the dark. for at least fifteen minutes.
    then something heavy landed on my chest and i freaked out. i kicked through the window. glass all over the bed. and just kept kicking. cut my foot and my back all up. ran into my room mates room to save them before i figured out.
    it was the cat.

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  2. I know how our cat feels JP, got woken my my girlfriend having a nightmare last night. Wierd and not fun

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